Jobs Applied For: Zero, but I did apply for unemployment. It’s a start.
To Do List: 6 of 7 items done. Not bad.
Mope Time: Zero
I know Friday was officially Day One of my journey into the world of unemployment, but since it felt like nothing more than a part of the long weekend, I’m not counting it. And let’s face it, I was still in denial. Today, it’s all starting to sink in, but I’m surprisingly upbeat about things. Sure, I feel completely useless and unwanted at times, but I have flashes of hope here and there where I realize that my life is completely open to endless new possibilities. Before last Thursday, I never had to think too hard about what else was out there. Now that unknown seems almost comforting, as if I’m free to dream of doing meaningful things with my life again. There are highs and lows from one hour to the next, but the denial is helping me stay positive and keeping busy doesn’t hurt either.
I went to pick up my new glasses today. Ordered and paid for just days before being laid off, they were a reminder of how drastically things have changed in such a short amount of time. I like them so far, but they hold far less importance to me than they did a week ago. Things have to take a backseat right now. Instead of taking pride in the amount of money I’m saving or what I can afford to buy, I’m focused on seeing the value in what I already have (including my wonderful, supportive boyfriend, family and friends) and figuring out a way to make it all work under the circumstances. I’m also finding that there are a million things to do for free in this great big city of ours, if only you have the time to do them. In other words, I don’t think I’ll have a problem with boredom.
Jobs Applied For: Two, which was my goal for the day.
To Do List: 5 ½ of 7 items done. Meh.
Mope Time: Minimal
I blame the constant construction noise that goes from 9am to 5pm for my inability to complete 1 ½ of the tasks I set for myself. I know it sounds like an excuse, but it’s really loud construction. And I mean REALLY loud. If this continues, I may have to head to the library in order to do my writing and applying. I do have a laptop, after all. I also met Jon after work and went shoe shopping with him. He managed to find what he was looking for, and I managed to avoid being too jealous of everyone who can actually afford to shop. It’s called restraint and I am going to be the queen of it. I’ve managed to quit a lot of things in my life that I loved. Some of these things were just for a short amount of time, like quitting alcohol for a month or quitting coffee for three months, but some of those things have stuck, like no meat FOREVER. In other words: “I CAN quit you.”
Jobs Applied For: Only one. I know. I stink.
To Do List: 4 of 4 items completed. SUCCESS!
Mope Time: Some
My challenge, once again, was trying to work through the construction noise. Just watch my video if you think I’m being a giant wuss. I promise I’m not. I did leave the apartment today, however, for about an hour and a half. I talked with a friend who was laid off a while ago and I have to admit, it did make me feel better. She’s been making ends meet by walking dogs (which is why she was in the area) and doing some freelance stuff since she lost her job. It gave me some hope and helped reinforce the notion that this THING may be good for me when all is said and done. It gives me the time to look for something that I really love, or at the very least, something that borders on a possible career path. It is slightly disheartening to think about how many talented, creative, brilliant people are out there looking for work, though.
The thing that has really helped me this week has been all of the excellent advice I’ve gotten from those aforementioned brilliant people that I happen to know. I haven’t cried since last Thursday, the day I was actually laid off. I haven’t felt the need to. Writing about this experience has helped me work through my initial angry/sad/frustrated thoughts on the matter; making to do lists filled with small, reachable goals for each day has given me a sense of accomplishment and forced me to hold myself accountable for what I do and what I don’t do with my time; waking up at a decent hour and not sleeping through the morning has provided a sense of normalcy, despite abnormal circumstances; and forcing myself to go outside for a period of time every afternoon reminds me that there is much more to life than what’s going on in my world right now.